I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
