matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
