So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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