There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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