i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
