Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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