I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
