Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
