I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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