You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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