We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
