I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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