Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
