Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
