Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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