remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
