just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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