I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
