ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
