i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
