Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No subtext here. People are naked.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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