i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
