How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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