I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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