drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
