She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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