wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
