Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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