The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
