If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
