You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize