i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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