i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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