**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
