I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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