dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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