The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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