What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
