I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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