Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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