ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
