I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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