its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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