did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
