Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i out mim tonsoeep
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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