turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
