yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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