Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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