the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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