im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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