i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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