Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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