I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
