i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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