hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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