Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
