Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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