Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
