upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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