his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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