You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
