god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
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