The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
