roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
