saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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