it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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