you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
