ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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