I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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