no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
