So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
