he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
