she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize