There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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