Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
