Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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