I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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