you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
