I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
These tits shall not be calmed
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
