...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
