I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
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