how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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