I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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