Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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