I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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