he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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