I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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