Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
